Oh, sweet chocolate!

Oh, sweet chocolate!
Give a little love

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Sunny silence by the sea in Tuscany


This was a paper I was supposed to submit for our Lit3 class on July 9. We were supposed to compare the movie Under the Tuscan Sun and the short story The Singing Silence. The article is a little messed up and unorganized because we were constrained with the time. But, oh well. I'm too lazy to re-edit them now. Maybe next time. LOL!

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“Never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will go your way.”

It’s funny how a quote about childish enthusiasm makes its way into a film about a broken 30-year old woman and her internal struggles. Funnier still is the idea that it was given to her as an advice by an older woman, Catherine the ice-cream lady, who still acts and believes she is younger than her own age. Much funnier, however, is the idea that this quotation also, pretty much, applies to the 60-year old porter from Formentera in the story The Singing Silence.

And yet, that is exactly how it is. No quotation could better embody the representation, portrayal and growth of the two main characters from the two stories: Under the Tuscan Sun and the Singing Silence. The two stories’ plots of pain, growth and self re-actualization are similar to that of a young child’s development into a grown, mature adult.

The two characters, Frances and Vicente, in their struggle for identity (the search for the happiness they never really found in the normality of their previous lives) enter a lot of stages of growth before they reach the end – the affirmation of their identity (who they are and what they really want) and the satisfaction gained from this achievement (the contentment and happiness attained in the end). The stages they have to undergo are similar to that of a child who, just learning to walk, stumble and fall, and eventually just stands up and continue moving forward until he learns.

The similarities between the experience of the two characters, Frances and Vicente, begin in their previous lives. Vicente was an ambitious porter in Barcelona who had nothing much to live on, a frustrated dreamer who never really got what he wanted. Then, there is Frances, the highly acclaimed book critic who takes great pride in her profession, yet broken emotionally and spiritually. Her success in her profession is equally proportional to her failure to save her marriage, her house and her “self”.

These two characters have accomplished what is expected to them by living in exactly how people like them should be living. Eventually, however, the satisfaction and convenience of living in the conventional lives they have created for themselves brings them to a point where they start to question the value of their existence. For Vicente, it was the realization that his “years had been a prison of his own making”. For Frances, it was the realization that she never was truly happy with the successful life she had led.

These doubts and realizations have also been supported by the climactic occurrence that had forces, or encourages, them to make a drastic change with their own lives. For Vicente, it happened when he broke the amphora. For Frances, it was her divorce with her husband. Both of them had the choice between going back to the comforts of the lives they have had before or to go forward and just do something that they have long wanted to do. This is where the conflict of the identity comes in. For both of them, it was also a choice between going back to who they were and try to fix the broken pieces, or move on to a new kind of identity where they could remodel themselves into who they really want to be.

The two decide the latter, and they both make drastic changes in their lives without any plans for the future. They didn’t plan. They just did. Vicente abandoned his decent job as a porter, and just embarked on a journey across the seas in search for something he never really knew he would ever find. With not much food and money, Vicente continued on with his search. Frances, on the other hand took the opportunity to forget her miseries to embark on a trip to a place she has never been. The most drastic, unplanned change, however, was her buying a house in the middle of a faraway town with barely enough money and known people in the area. She bought and lived in a rundown house, alone.

Basically, the two characters in the story are each trying to re-identify themselves – who they really are, what they really want, what they think should be done – and so, they take on new roles as they both make decisions to abandon the security, convenience and monotony of their previous lives to take on a new kind of life, the kind of life where they never really plan, but just do.

Both also arrive at a point where they question their decisions to abandon their previous lifestyles. Frances cried and wondered why she brought a house when there is “no one to cook for in a house meant for a family” when she has none. Vicente had to endure being called loco or crazy when he decided to go on with his search.

And yet, at a time when the two characters are in doubt, a quote from the film comes in: “You should just keep believing and doing even if things don’t go your way. Vienna built a train track even if trains did not exist there yet, because they knew someday, a train would come”, as a form of encouragement to the two to just keep going on and believing in their decisions.

And when the two protagonists decide to just accept what comes their way that is the time when things start to get better. They start to see their lives in a whole new point of view. Vicente sees and appreciates the wonders of nature more. Frances learns that she doesn’t need a man to make her feel happy, and that all she needs are the people who care for her.

They have also become more content with who they are. They have arrived at a point where they feel more fulfilled because they did something they long wanted to do. They never planned, and yet, realize at the end that happiness had always been at their doorstep. All they needed was just a little push to see that it was there all along. At this point, the happiness that the two protagonists found in the end embodied the old priest’s quote in The Singing Silence, “It is not what one finds that is important. It is the search, just the search.”

As Marcello in the movie quotes, “If you smack into something good, you should hold on to it until it’s time to let go.”

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So, there it goes!

I kind of noticed that our Lit Professor enjoys giving us stories about love, hope and second chances. I also noticed that she usually gives us stories about redemption and rebirth (and growth). Hmm. Maybe, since most of our classmates are freshmen and sophomores, she probably thought it best to give us lighter yet more inspiring articles. After all, why corrupt the youth who know little, too early? The stories are good, though. I enjoyed reading them. They encourage the readers to look forward and grow. I like that. Very inspiring.

BTW, this article exclusively came from my own head and from my own mind even if I made it half-asleep! So, please, respect my work and credit me if you're going to use parts of it. Please, there is what you call Intellectual Property Rights, you know.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Drawing time again



Remember when I mentioned that I really, really wanted to do something I long wished I could have done, but never managed to do it?

Well, I have decided to start drawing again.

Why? That's not new, you may ask. After all, I did include the word "again".
But that's the thing. I'm doing it to do something really new for me: Digital Art.

Yes, I'm starting on my "do-what-you-want" project starting with, of course, sketches! Sketches, sketches, sketches!

I haven't drawn in a really, really long time.
I don't think my drawings are that great or loved anymore.
So, forgive the "amateur-just-decided-to-draw-again" feel.
I'm really, really working on it.
I just hope that by the end of this semester (October), I would be able to come up with a lot more drawings, and a lot more artworks! *Hoping!

Anyway, here are a few samples of the sketches I made!

Forgive the amateurity (if there is such a word). I really, really have to work on these sketches. I'm planning to use Photoshop to enhance the drawings, and eventually give life to them with color. I'm actually a little scared because I haven't tried digital art before.
Anyway, since I'm planning to edit these drawings on photoshop, I', going to post cleaner versions of the sketches and, eventually, colored and much better looking drawings. Again, please forgive the amateur feel. T_T




Friday, July 2, 2010

Memorial Address, and why we remember when we should

I have been listening to and watching this video for quite some time now. For some reason, the song just gets to me. Its melody and beat are so easy to recall, its lyrics so heartbreaking, that I can't bear to stop listening to it even after the song ends.

A reason to this could be because of Ayumi Hamasaki's performance in this video, and the lyrics of her song. In comments surrounding the video in youtube.com, a lot of people agree that this song was dedicated by Hamasaki to her dad who left her and her mother a few years ago.

When I first heard the song, thanks to my fellow "Otaku" of a friend, Meggy, I was immediately captured by it. Back then, I did not know the meaning of the song's lyrics. I can't even understand Japanese, except for a few common words. I haven't even seen the video, nor its live performance. I just listened, and listened, and listened. Before I knew it, I was so captivated that I dream about the song in my sleep.

Then, one day, out of curiosity and sheer need for OCness (obsessive compulsive=in my words, that means my need for organization), I just can't let myself have a copy of a song without ever seeing a video, I decided to browse through Youtube.com for a copy of the video with english subtitles.

And then, I was hooked. I was heartbroken - because the lyrics got to me. And I got hooked.

It was just too heartbreaking and painful. Ayumi was singing about how much she misses her father and how she wishes he could have told her "I love you" even if it was a lie. That, alone, hit me. Here I am, a pretty much insensitive girl to sentimental videos, touched by the pain and bitterness of being an unloved and unfelt child. Much more, I could relate! Not because I was abandoned, but I once felt the same with my own father...before my parent's annulment, of course. It is just so funny how a person could live through such a horrible tragedy and continue to smile and live normally, then all of a sudden, when everything's OK, you realize that there was something missing all along..then, you look back, or something reminds you to look back, and then you realize, you didn't cry when the tragedy happened. You never cried, not once. Then, when you realized that you had been missing it all along, you finally manage to cry. And you cry for the time you haven't, cry for the time lost, and cry for the NEW YOU, because you actually managed to forget and move on.

That is exactly how I felt when I saw the video. It just reminded me of a lot of things I couldn't take back anymore. It was a sad reminder of who I was then, and made me take a few steps back of who I am now. It's kind of like reminding myself that I will never manage to become who I am now, if it weren't for the things I have been through, good and bad.

Though it is clearly for my own good, though.

I did cry when I watched the video. I cried because I felt in it what I am feeling now, and what I should have felt when both my parents filed their annulment papers. And I still try to feel it, to remind myself that it is a part of who I am.

My first blog - Nyaha!

OK. So, this is my first ever blog.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!

I'm still not quite sure what I'll be writing about yet, except of course that I'm sure it would mostly be about a lot of things...a whole lot of things, to be exact.

But, that won't matter so much, because what's important is not the "how much she wrote" or the "what she mostly wrote". Basically, what's important is I wrote...about things, people, stuff...everything that practically goes on in my head, that may range from everything that's randomly crazy to those that may even be revolutionary.

Yes, I am writing. And, yes, this is a blog. A blog that's not necessarily about me, but mostly about everything. And that everything could also be about YOU or what you want...The whole range of everything is sooo big, that maybe, just maybe, in any of my posts, you'll find something..even a small post...something that you just might find interesting...So, start checking!

There goes my intro!
Now, let's talk about why, after the 18 years of my life has passsed, did I decide to write a blog now?
Am I literally lost from all civilization to decide to just write now? Did I, by some sick twist of fate just thought that the world doesn't need blogs??
No and No.
I just didn't start.
And I didn't have time to start writing blogs.
I was too busy with a lot of things.

Then, one day, in our PI 100 class (Rizal's history), we talked about doing things you've always wanted to do, but have never managed to do so.
And then, it hit me.
18 years of my life has passed me already. And, yet, I haven't done much that I could truly be proud of. I was busy doing everything everyone else expects me in doing, that I'm sure in the end, I'll end up just like everyone else. My life has become another mediocre page in the book of history. And it was all my fault!
I'm not saying that writing a blog will make a person more profound.
I'm saying, I wasted 18 years of my life trying to live just like everyone else, that I completely forgot that I was an entirely different person. And part of being entirely different means I have a lot of things I want to do and should continue on doing, because I am different.
If I'm going to end up as generic as everyone else, then I should just as well stand out in the things that I do best, and also manage to do so in the things I also want to try doing.

And, so I decided, I should work on my way to becoming ME again.

And, it starts with my writing this blog...and a few other things like:

1. Start DRAWING again
2. starting a DEVIANTART account
3. EDITING my drawings and photographs on PHOTOSHOP
4. COOKING (something I haven't done in years, and I would like to try again)
5. REGULARLY swimming every weekend
6. Visiting a foreign land...in and out of the country
7. Learning Japanese
8. Creating my own comic book, even if it's just one chapter
9. WORKING ON MY THESIS
10. Shooting my very own MUSIC VIDEO...with me in front of the camera and not behind it
11. Shooting my very own short film!!
12. Writing on my own blog

And more!!

For now, these are the things I haven't done yet, but are not so impossible to never try.
Yes, I'm planning to do all these things before October ends.

And yes, I'm writing a blog.
To document all my thoughts...
and keep track on all the things I want to do, and being sure to do them.
Yes, world. I have finally decided to do the things that I want, and never saying no to every opportunity to do so.

I hope you can all help me keep track of that! ^_^